April’s Soapbox
Maybe this is a crazy idea, but I actually want to write about my views on respect and common sense. I really think there are life lessons that people cannot seem to grasp, and I am embarrassed to admit that there are basic truths that I also most definitely fail to recognize. Why is human nature naturally in rebellion to common sense?
I. Romance
Take advice
Allow someone that loves you regardless (generally a parent, sibling…etc…) to get to know your partner, if they do not approve, it probably is not because they are jealous. You probably have settled and they know that there is something better out there for you. Take their advice and recognize that love can cause you to forget about what it really is that you want. You can fall in love with anyone, so beware because just anyone may not be the person with whom you want to spend the rest of your life.
Reserve intimacy
To have an intimate connection to someone that could one day disappear into the arms of someone else is setting yourself up for heartache, low self esteem, and unwanted attachment. It is ok to be vulnerable, but not until you both are committed and leaving isn’t an option (Also known as: Marriage). If you want to get married, do not give into intimacy so easily, wait until you are married.
One break up is enough
Breaking up and getting back together numerous times is like experiencing the death of the same person repeated times. By getting back together you are neither allowing yourself the time to heal to think clearly nor the self respect of trusting in your own decisions and/or in your self worth as a person and ability to find someone else.
People get back together for 5 reasons:
1. They miss the person and it hurts to not have them there
2. They are jealous and if they cannot have them they do not want anyone else to have them
3. The thought, “no one will ever love me again”
4. The thought, “I gave up (or lost) the best thing that ever happened to me”
5. They rationalize that they have already been together for so many years and there is already so much invested in the relationship.
All of these doubts and thought have a common answer. Time will heal and show you that life goes on and love the next time around happens and works. If you don’t have the self respect of trusting your decisions and/or admitting that you are a good enough person to find someone else than you are probably not ready for a relationship anyway and that is probably why things didn’t work out in the first place.
Do not wait but rather improve
Waiting for the right person to come into your life or arranging your life as though you are going to meet someone is the wrong way to live. Just realize that the more you improve your self means the better of a person you are going to find. Keep progressing and doing interesting things, your standards will become higher and higher the more you grow and you are just putting your self in situations to meet better quality people.
Do not expect more than you have to offer
If you want your one and only true love to be a college graduate, than you yourself should become a college graduate. You will most likely find what you have to offer. Quit focusing on the other person and develop yourself into that mold.
II. Religion
Lack of knowledge is debilitating
Do not form opinions on something as important as religion without doing some research. Actually take the time to investigate a wide range of religions and then make an educated and soul guided decision.
Don’t tell other people what they believe
By criticizing other people and assuming they are in ignorance is wrong. Give people the decency of having their own opinions.
You are much more credible when you are not threatened by others
You are probably not very secure in your own beliefs if you are not open to people openly discussing their beliefs. Do not interrupt other people when they are telling you what they think. If a missionary, friend, or family member wishes to tell you something about their beliefs and what they are about, allow them to share that with you and be respectful and open. If you already think you have everything figured out, you are not open to opportunity or knowledge.
III. Friendships
Loneliness is selfishness
If you are sad because no one talks to you, looks at you, or gives you the time of day you are wrong. You give yourself all of those things EVERYDAY and ALL DAY! Have you ever considered that there are other people out there that need a friend just as badly as you do, but you are so focused on yourself that you do not even see them nor do they see you.
Betrayal is bad judgment on your part
Do not be so desperate for a friendship that you refuse to see the obvious. If you waist your time on fake friendships than you have motives that drive you to those friends other than that of maintaining a true friend. Invest in good friendships and use your commonsense as you select friends.
Do not choose your friends
You are probably thinking this sounds contradictory to my previous advice. However, it is different. You will be surrounded by people that support you if you befriend everyone and do not have criteria for your friendships. If you do this, you will have so many friends to choose from that you can weed out the fake friends without even noticing and you will find friendships in people you never suspected.
IV. Driving
Do not speed through parking lots
It is scary when some maniac flies past pedestrians without yielding. Realize that a few extra seconds of driving slow in dangerous areas will seem minuscule to the guilt you will feel if you really hurt someone.
Yield
You will cause an accident and/or hurt someone else or yourself if you are aggressive. If someone needs in the lane or want to cross the street, please give yield to them.
Leave early
Don’t leave late and you won’t be a danger to the rest of society. You will have time to drive safely and courteously.
V. Education
Get it!
A degree means that you know how to finish something. It does not necessarily mean that you are smart, but it does mean that you have the will power to get something done.
Continue Learning
People live longer and have more friendships if they stay interested and interesting. Going to school is not the only way to get an education. Read books! Join clubs! Go to meetings! Get involved in your community! Ask questions!
Ignorance is ugly
One of the most painful experiences in life is hearing someone talk about something that they don’t know a thing about. You just embarrass yourself when you speak with fake knowledge. It is so obvious when you are fake smart and it is so offensive when your ignorance affects me and what I know.
VI. Health
Emotional Health is first
Your mind can kill you and your mind can create any ailment.
Physical Health is second
If you do not take care of the one thing that is irreplaceable you will ruin it. Your body is something that cannot be purchased and death is not something that you can negotiate. Start exercising!
VII. Politics
Yelling doesn’t solve anything
Whoever said that politics had to mean constant arguing? What is wrong with a constructive conversation? Your hysteria will lower your credibility and no matter what you are saying, it can never sound educated.
Negotiating is not an option with someone who doesn’t care if they die
If people are to the point of taking their life to take yours, you are beyond any sort of real negotiating. It is ok to protect your freedoms, life, and decency. They are going to die anyway by killing you, at least save a life by not going anywhere near people who want to destroy you.
Diplomacy is a fallacy
Ideally a “diplomatic” approach is the best option. But, it is like evolution, it is assuming the impossible will happen numerous times, at the right moment, and just the right way to make the impossible become possible. Fairy tales are just that, FAIRY TALES! When was the last time a long stream off seemingly impossible scenarios and accidents lead you to exactly where you needed to be?
Free handouts take away self respect
Government subsidies and handout should be exclusively for those in dire circumstances or those in the process of improving themselves. For example, a dire circumstance would be on of which you have no control like a natural disaster or a horrific disease or disability. The process of improving oneself is a student or someone undergoing time consuming progression to eventually pay back what they have been given and offer more to society than that of which they took.
VIII. Loyalty
What is your word worth?
If you say you are going to be somewhere, be there! If you say you are going to do some thing, do it! If you can’t do something, it is ok to say no. Just be honest and follow through with your word. Do you really want to be known for not doing anything you say you will do?
Be Honest
Don’t lie about insignificant small things that do not matter. In fact, do not lie about things that matter. If you have to detail with ramifications of the truth, it will be easier than living a life of lies.
Do not cheat
Cheating makes you look stupid. Only people that are not smart enough to do something on their own need to cheat off other people, and only people that are lazy to do something on their own rely on other people. Do not cheat on someone you have made a promise too, you will end up a lonely person.
IX. Social Situations
Do not talk about yourself
If the majority of your sentences start with “I” or “my” probably no one is listening to you, and if they are listening to you, they are going to avoid ever starting a conversation with you a again. People like it when you ask them questions about themselves. People like it when you remember what they have told you in the past. If you have a story to go with every comment, you are focusing too much on yourself in the situation.
Serve others
Look for people that need things. If you are at a dinner and no one is helping the host, at least offer to do something. If you are at someone’s house, do not ask to help clean up, just make some common general friendly gestures of straightening up. Pick up the trash in the room, rinse your plate, off to put the dishes in the dishwasher. If someone is in need, do something!
Do not try and top other people’s stories
If someone tells a story about something difficult, painful, or exciting, do not try and tell a more exciting directly after they have finished. You only diminish them and make yourself look boastful.
